IDY

9teen++. My birthday falls on the 28th of OCTOBER, which makes me a scorpio! Likes to shop, wants to travel, only likes to read books with nice covers and loves to watch movies that makes me either laugh or cry. Long hair, always feel like cutting it short but never will. Love to wear dresses and heels to make me look taller! Always fond of the color black, in clothing or shoes. Love my current organizer, big and VERY colorful!
♥ LittleBoy.




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Thursday, January 24, 2008 11:52 PM

FUCK.
I am in a super bad mood now. It maybe due to lack of sleep, or its due to the fucking slow internet connection. The connection has been going haywire since i reached home just now. When i wanted to blog and vent my anger, it took me more than 10 mins to be able to go to the dashboard. And currently, i am not even type all this shit out in blogger, but in my notepad. This is because, i really feel like typing something to vent my anger and fustrations somewhere, but i just dunno any other ways that will do a better job than blogging it all out. Feeling damn emo and tired now. This feelings are damn disgusting. Retail therapy might helps but not much.
Where shall i begin from?
Okay. School. Now i really have no idea what am i doing. What am i studying. Why am i studying. Why should i study. All the projects are killing people. Struggling yet all the due dates are so fucking near, why cant the teachers or the school smarten up, give us at the start of the sem. While we learn in class, we can also think of how to do it. Not like now, all clash together and the computer lab are even more pathetic. Asp.Net(2 labs) IA(1 lab) MobComp(1 lab). And there are so many classes sharing that few pathetic labs. Whats makes thing even worse is for Mobcomp, not only we the 2.2 have to do projects, the 2.1 also require to do projects in that fucking lab, with just at most 40 comps. Isnt the school dumb or what. And the food sucks like, i dunno how to describe. School food are so limited, unlike other school, they have so much variety. Stop telling me that school food are cheap and nice. Cheap doesnt makes the food taste nice. And the school staff attitude sucks. Maybe just the one i met that day when i went over to solve my TP email problem. He just sucks man. Not gonna elaborate on him. I am just going to complain him in my School survey, he just wait and see.
School is not over, just 2 weeks ago, i was thinking, what will i be doing after school. Since i will be graduating after 1 year plus. I have no idea what i am trying to do. Its just nothing in mind. I dont see any jobs i can do thats related to my course, what java what j2me? Am i suppose to be some code writer. This is so not me. This is so not what i want to be. I used to think of being a teacher when i was young, but it wasnt easy. Its not what you think you want to be, you can be what you want to be. This is so fucking wrong. Projects projects projects. I have 6 projects to be done. Sorry that i wasnt much help in them. I tried my best i guess. Sorry.
And right now, i am still typing all this in my notepad, the stupid blogger just cant load. I dont understand why. I even quited my msn, the whole internet is just so fucking slow and useless.
Family then. I dunno, i dun really like to mention such stuffs online. But sometime i think parents dont understand. They think the way that i should be in. Not the way what i wan to be. Yes, they are very nice to me. I knew that, but do they really understand what i am thinking about? We just had a tif over a stupid can opener. I dont know whats happening to me. I just talkback rudely for no reason. I really think buying that can opener is a waste of money. We already have one, doing fine and maybe better. So whats the point of spending such a large sum of money on it. Sometimes, i really wanted to study well for test, so those lecturers that know she is my mum wont spread rumours that her daughter cant study. Lazy, Stupid. But i dont think you understand what i am studying about. I regret choosing the course as well, i didnt know that there were java, I dont even fucking know that java exist. Until it comes into my life when poly started. Sometimes test could be open book. But there are close-book test as weel. Its not like all the test i am taking are closed-book. If it is, why i should i study so hard for it. Sometimes, when i am really tired. I am really very tired. Mentally and physically. This is not a mental breakdown, i just need something to vent my tiredness. Just a day before, i was happily telling dad that i want to bake a cake for mum, for her birthday. I really mean it. But now, i dunno whats the reason?
Sometime, i also dont know what i am thinking about. I remember one ask me, how do you stop yourself from thinking. I really dont know the answer. Its like whenever i have a problem, i will be thinking of it. Keep thinking and thinking until i forget it. Forgetting the problem is so hard for me. I just tend to keep on holding to the problem that happen. All this problem makes me think of my future. No future, I just cant see it. I dont understand why should i push myself so hard. Maybe you are thinking, what the fuck, complain over such little things. You are not me, you do not know what i am thinking about. You are not going through what i am. so? I am seem happy, smiling or daydreaming. But i am thinking. I guess this is enough.
I guess its time to stop this entry as well as crying. This isnt helping much. I should just go and sleep, hoping not to have any stupid dreams that have to do with school projects.
Sorry for the small fonts, but i dont really understand myself now. I just want a not so stupid life.
sorry.